My Closing Words...

Before I go into a reflective post of the past 3 months, a brief summary of my last week:


Kampot, Kep & Battambang: a beautiful finish....

Kampot - 
I went with my friend Jess to Kampot for one day - we felt incredibly ambitious and rented bicycles and cycled to "Secret Lake," a lake hidden off the beaten track through provincial dirt roads. We biked more than 20km (12 miles) through the most beautiful rural roads where we could not cycle longer than 5 minutes without hearing a local farmer or child yell out "hello!" in the distance. We were completely immersed in the Cambodian countryside, relying on nothing but our sense of direction with a small crinkled map in my bicycle basket. We finally made it to Secret Lake after over an hour of cycling and dunked ourselves in the water with the other locals there. We enjoyed delicious freshly-squeezed sugarcane drinks on bamboo mats overlooking the lake. We went to bed early and travelled to Kep the next morning.

En route to Secret Lake

Locals swimming and tubing fully clothed at the lake's edge

Kep -
Kep is a beautiful seaside escape with the most incredible seafood, crab market and pepper plantations. Kep was also the hottest 2 days of our lives. I have never sweated so much, it was well over 100 degrees and Jess and I still chose to rent bikes yet again to try and find salt fields a few miles away. The heat was unbearable and after a  full afternoon of exploring, we helped ourselves to a great seafood dinner over the water, looking west. Our dinner that night was so incredible. Everything about it was amazing - from the staff, to the atmosphere, to the food, to the VIEW. We were blessed with what was without question the most stunning sunset I've ever seen in my life. At night, we enjoyed staring at the night sky which had an overwhelming amount of stars, and managed to point out Venus, Mars and Saturn...

Amazing crab with whole green pepper, lemongrass, parsley...

Our next day in Kep we took a boat to Rabbit Island, another beautiful remote beach with no vendors and a few local families enjoying the water. We came back to the main land to enjoy an incredible plate of cooked crab and enjoy the sunset view all over again, with more clouds this time, but no less beautiful... Jess and I said goodbye to each other at 7:30 the next morning as she went back to Sihanoukville, and I went to Phnom Penh briefly to check out the S-21 Genocide Museum before my final destination of Battambang... S-21 was eerie. It was crazy to know how much blood had been spilt in these halls. Photos of Cambodians killed in the rooms and on the beds 3 feet away from me left me feeling disturbed... I made it to Battambang the following day.

Rabbit Island

Sunset #2

A classroom-turned-torture-chamber with brick cells at S-21, Phnom Penh

Battambang -
I spent my time in Battambang alone, exploring the town and its impressive local market, and went on an amazing tour the next day with the nicest motorbike tourguide I've had so far. He took me to Bamboo Rail, a train track with bamboo platforms that people actually use. I didn't have enough money to try it, so I watched others do it. I also climbed over 360 steps to Banon Temple, which was a beautiful place of 11th century ruins.

My tourguide told me all about Southeast Asia's religions, Cambodia's history and his own perspective on life. We then travelled through what felt like the most remote place I've ever been - not a person seen for miles through these dirt roads beneath the blazing sun. We made it to the "Killing Caves," where many during the Khmer rouge were killed, and I climbed a mountain to the most spectacular view of Battambang and environs at the foot of gold-foiled temples, Buddha statues and monks. The day ended at sunset after I walked down over 700 steps to street level where I watched millions of bats fly out of "bat cave," before my tourguide drove me back to the center of the city.

One of the temples at the top of the mountain

bats flying out of the bat cave

The drive back was a very long, contemplative one as I realized that the final day in this final city, in this final country of this trip was happening right now, in this moment. I looked around me one last time as the motorbike zoomed past tuk-tuks, horse-pulled carriages, bamboo huts and locals in their backyards. I turned my head back to look at the sun setting behind me. And as the sun began to set in the west, a rainbow had formed in the east... The first and only rainbow I'd seen my whole trip, on this very last day in a new city, before heading back to Bangkok... Behind my smile lay the thought that this rainbow was the welcoming closure to my trip.



My Closing Words...

I'm writing my final blog entry in the same hostel where I wrote my very first one. While the hostel's lobby brings back strong feelings of deja vu, something feels different. Nothing in the hostel appears to look different, so I'm assuming that the difference I feel is within myself. Words can't describe how much I have evolved and learned in 3 months. This trip has become the most transformative, exhilarating thrill and journey of my life. It was the boldest decision I've ever mustered up the courage to make, and after taking that leap of faith by booking a one-way ticket and embarking on the journey solo, I can confidently say that it was the best decision I've ever made. Yes, it was hard at times, and I was warned that it would be, but I also experienced the most beautiful moments, seen the most breathtaking sights, and met the most inspiring people along the way. I have learned more about myself in 3 months than I have throughout my 4 years in college. I have never felt so young, wild and free before. I have never felt so passionate, so honest, so alive.........


On the night of February 2nd, I found myself in a strange, new place far, far away from home. I woke up every day feeling like it was Saturday, where my first week all my senses worked overtime beyond my transitioning jetlag to translate all the sights, sounds and smells into something familiar. At first the smallest things created stress. The thought of ordering unknown food seemed daunting. But soon, my confidence grew - I lived and breathed everything that this part of the world had to offer. Soon I came to realize that all of my material possessions at home were never really necessary. I felt fine rotating between the same 5 t-shirts every day. I stopped wearing make-up my last month. I didn't have a care in the world that I was covered in sweat and sunscreen all the time. Not a soul knew who I was here, either, which gave me the chance to re-explore sides of my personality I'd never known existed. When you're traveling alone, it's up to you to decide what to do, who to see and which direction to turn - you have the chance to map out and change your route any second you please, and even reinvent your personality if you wanted. You have the power to be anyone and try anything. It's up to you to push yourself and put in the effort to befriend other travellers. You meet so many new, like-minded people that at times it's even a challenge to give yourself alone time again. But the comfort of other travellers is so inviting. You swap stories, practice languages, exchange advice, and are inspired by their ideas and what they have to share. Backpacking travel is so accelerated from all the events and experiences shared with others that it shocks you at how fast and strongly your new friendships develop. I remember thinking a 2-week friendship felt more like a 2-month friendship - the bonds that would have taken months or years at home are almost frightening in their rapidity and comfort here. You might grow close enough with some of these people to consider them like family; friends for life. You might even find yourself falling in love with some of these people. A few encounters will end with a sad goodbye and swapping contact information, but the truth is that chances of you seeing some of these people again are very, very slim. Some goodbyes have been extremely difficult for me, and others very easy. The sadness of the goodbyes quickly fade because you know that brand new unwritten adventures, experiences, dangers and friendships lie ahead. This makes the sadness quickly turn into a smile, because you know that deep down, your new friend is probably thinking the same.


And when you finally decide which new city, town or island to take on, you start all over again. You get a feel for the city's layout, locals, culture and other backpackers' names and faces all over again. Every day is spent trekking through remote villages in the mountains, exploring unlit caves or immersing yourself into the locals' daily life through visiting temples and eating special delicacies at the local market. Some things that are probably considered risky or dangerous, but at the same time makes your body vibrate with survival. I pushed myself to do things I never would've tried at home or dreamed I'd be brave enough to do. I've lived more in the present, followed my gut, acted on impulse and lived more spontaneously than ever before. I let go of my shy side. I let go of my safe side. Risks and social opportunities presented themselves at every turn, and for the first time, I never thought twice about my actions or bold decisions (which would've been different back at home). After a while, home, friends and family felt like distant memories. My 3 month journey already felt like a 9 month one where so much had happened, so much had been realized, so much had been learned.


In the past 3 months, I've eaten 5 kinds of bugs and every tropical fruit known to this side of the world. I've learned how to count and interact through basic conversation in all the countries I visited. I've snuggled with tigers, ridden and washed elephants bareback, and played with monkeys. I've released beautiful floating lanterns into the night sky and snorkelled in some of the most beautiful bays in the world. I've lived with a local family from a remote village, interviewed and befriended a monk on Thai radio, and ridden a motorbike. I've hidden from dangerous kidnappers in the islands, found myself in a non-speaking van full of locals in the middle of nowhere with no help, and discovered hidden waterfalls and monks lounging about while getting lost and exploring with a great friend. I've stayed awake beyond the night hours singing, drinking and laughing around bonfires with people from all over the world. I've kayaked through Halong Bay and trekked through unreal red sand dunes that my imagination could never possibly invent. I've meditated in and wandered the halls of Angkor Wat and 4th century My Son ruins. I've learned how to cook 6 traditional Thai dishes, spoken to wise old women from small hill tribes in traditional dresses up in the mountains, and taken a slowboat down the Mekong River through Laos. I've had the pleasant outings with locals to learn about their culture and families, and the unpleasant outings of nearly getting mugged by some. I've provided monks with their only meals of the day and swam in the most stunning waterfalls. I've crawled a distance of 100 meters on all fours underground in Vietnamese tunnels used during the war. I've gotten my feet munched on by fish and taken part in the biggest water fights for the New Year in Cambodia. I've danced the night away and lived on remote islands losing all sense of time and space. I've learned so much about the history and culture of all of these countries. I've had my breath taken away by majestic caves, mountains, temples, and even people.


Beyond the physical achievements and experiences I've gone through, it's the character-building moments, self-discovery and personal revelations I've had that make me so grateful for this journey. I'm not coming home as a different person by any means - I'm still coming home as Celine, but with a new and clearer perspective on myself and where my life is headed. I've learned how I adapt in new situations and interact with new people. I've learned to be confident in my own desicions, take risks and not play on the safe side. I've learned that I am much braver than I ever thought I could be. This trip has built my confidence exponentially and has reminded me that at any time, anywhere, I can cope. When the going gets rough on any trip, it's up to you to get yourself out of unwanted situations and challenging bumps in the road. It's up to you to make decisions and not rely on someone else. It's up to you to DO, GO, and DECIDE. One of my more notable achievements I've made from embarking on this journey is also discovering my ability to move on, and the beauty of letting go. I've never been good with change or goodbyes. I forced myself to embrace change and unfamiliarity during this trip and have said hello and goodbye more times than I can remember. With all of the experiences and people I've encountered down my path, I'm now at peace with knowing that all things must come to an end. Knowing that there will come a time when you have to let go, and have to move on. Whether it's moving on from a challenging situation, moving on from a beautiful destination which you never want to leave, or letting go of material possessions such as my phone, letting go of people, letting go of attachments at home, or elsewhere. I've learned that time, along with new encounters, environments and perspectives also contribute in healing the deepest of wounds - each one creating a new layer of skin and armor. I've learned and have gone through the stages of accepting that things don't always go as planned or as desired, which has reconfirmed my belief that everything happens for a reason. I've felt every single human emotion at its deepest level throughout this whole journey. I have felt completely invincible, vulnerable, euphoric, devastated, brave, terrified, accomplished and defeated. I also have to steal a quote from Ali Murphey's old travel blog, because it just rings so true to my experience as well: "I have laughed harder, cried more, and felt more intensely than ever before."


I'm also coming home feeling so thankful having done this trip solo. Yes, it would have been nice to do this trip with a friend. That way when you come home, you'll have that person know all the things you experienced - you'll share the memories. But in another sense, there is something really beautiful about going by yourself. The experiences are for you, your own memories, your own development, your own creations, your own growth, your own triumphs and failures, your own choices, the list goes on. It becomes a personal, character-building experience and chapter in your life that only you know (along with those irreplaceable travel friends you crossed paths with along the way...). I asked one of my closer friends I made on this trip what they wanted to get out of their year-long solo journey across the world, and the reply I got was "I'd rather be surprised with what I get out of it, than have expectations." This completely changed my view on my own trip, and made me look back on my old list of "things to accomplish" and how it was completely unnecessary to write out (and even think about in the end). It was a perspective on travelling that changed my views from that point on. I wiped my mind of my plans. And he was right, I am more surprised with the things that have come out of this trip in the end - even overwhelmed. This same person also introduced me to the quote "Not all who wander are lost," which is a beautiful outlook on those eager to see, explore and discover like me. It's a quote that had a big impact on me and the rest of my experience here, and is one I'll probably never forget.


I am afraid of getting on the plane tonight. At first, it will feel great to see friends and family. But I'm not ready to face the reality of NYC life where everyone is in a hurry to get somewhere, no strangers smile and greet you with a kind hello, and where everything costs 8 times more than it should. I will be overwhelmed by the collection of clothes in my closet after surviving just fine with the same 5 t-shirts. There won't be anymore giant spiders under my bed or crazy motorbike muggers around to keep me guessing. I don't want to leave Southeast Asia. I don't want this journey to end, and have now been brought to tears... Tears which will inevitably come back once I board that plane at 2AM tonight...


I hope that my travel blog has inspired anyone who's had the patience to follow it this far to embark on their own backpacking journey one day, solo or not. But if you are willing to embark on a journey on your own, and if you're able to see every obstacle in your way as a lesson, and every person you cross paths with as a teacher and guide, then you will come back with a whole new perspective on yourself, the world we live in and the unpredictable challenges and blessings life has to offer. I will remember this trip for as long as I live and look back on it with great happiness, pride, shock, awe, deep nostalgia, and love. I am sad to leave. Luckily tonight my hostel is hosting a big party, and I am ending my final night in Southeast Asia with great friends and irreplaceable memories.


Now imagine yourself waking up and every day is Saturday. Imagine yourself stimulated by the change, the new and the unfamiliar, learning things about yourself you never knew existed. Imagine yourself embracing the new, falling in love with the places, people and things that you cross paths with. Imagine yourself unearthing your capacity to feel, dare, grow, and love in ways you never thought possible. Never will you think that by the end of your journey, so much has changed. So much has been discovered. So much about yourself has been realized and understood. You are eager to book another journey and translate all those new sites, smells and sounds into something familiar all over again. You approach another foreign traveller in that overwhelming moment on your first day - not knowing that in a few days or weeks time, this person could become a friend for life. Not knowing what experiences will come your way every hour of the day. Not knowing that in several months time, your life will have completely changed.


Cheers to the end of this life-changing chapter, and the promising beginning of a new, unwritten one - Who knows what new adventures and discoveries lie ahead...


Until next time,


Celine